Unmemorable Title » advice

How Long Does a Blog Post Need to Be?

Andrew — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 13:00:02 +0000

Image by Michael David Pedersen

Does a blog post need to be thousands of words long, pre-empting every potential query?

No. A blog post only needs to be long enough to get your point across. And not a word longer.

Twadges You Don’t Want to Earn

Andrew — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 18:18:19 +0000

Twitter Badges. Do you really want one?

Anyone who reads Econsultancy might well have noticed a recent post about a startup called Twadges. The firm promises to provide Twitter users with Foursquare style badges to mark any notable “achievements” in a user’s lifetime. Now I don’t know which badges they will be offering, but I’ve had a few ideas.

And here’s a handful of “Twadges” you really don’t want to earn.

Simpering Sycophant

Well done. Your diligence and persistence has paid off. @stephenfry must have noticed you by now! (Send 100 or more Tweets to celebrities in a 24 hour period to earn this twadge.)

It’s all well and good trying to engage someone famous in conversation, but when the majority of your tweets are LOLing (or, god forbid, ROFLMAOing) at the inanities of soap stars and footballers, you’ve moved into stalker territory. Avoid picking up this twadge by talking to people who might actually listen to you.

Bieber Fever

OMG! It’s you! You’re the one who’s keeping Justin Bieber trending! Well done you! (Mention Justin Bieber to earn this twadge.)

I don’t know who Justin Bieber is. I don’t care. All I know is that a combination of teenage fans and bitter cynics keeps him in the trending topics even when there’s an earthquake. Yes, “Shaved Bieber” is a great pun, but by going on about it you’re making things worse. Please, stop.

Echo Chamber

Everyone loves a caring, sharing Twitterer. They must sure love you! All that ReTweeting, never thinking about your own message. How charitable! (Send nothing but RTs to earn this twadge.)

We all love a ReTweeter. That’s why there’s a big ol’ ReTweet button on this post (hint hint), but posting nothing but recycled material doesn’t give anyone a reason to follow you. Please, come up with something unique to say. Otherwise you’ll have this twadge, and no followers to show it to.

Casual Curmudgeon
aka The @DavidMarchment Award

Well done for sticking to your principles. You don’t use Twitter for business purposes, so why should those corporate hacks and shameless self-promoters? Keep fighting the good fight! (Complain relentlessly about people for promoting blog posts, articles or company websites to earn this twadge.)

It’s one thing complaining when Robert Llewellyn can’t go two tweets without mentioning Carpool, but do you really begrudge your friends a living? Tune out the self promotion, because it’s a fact of Twitter life. If you want to make a statement, beat them at their own game.

Social Sellout

Bravo! You’ve ignored the social aspect of social media and turned your Twitter feed into a business broadcasting network. Congratulations, and enjoy your untold riches! (Shamelessly RT everything from a business account, or RT your own posts four or more times to earn this twadge.)

If this were a twadge, my followers would’ve stapled it to my scalp by now. All you wage slaves, join me in the rebellion. Let’s stop acting as a secondary distribution network for our employers! And you self-employed lot? Stop pretending that RTing an RT of your posts with a “Gee, thanks” is anything other than a cheeky way to get a blog post circulating.

Twillock

Well done Twitterer! You’ve expanded the Twictionary and your twocabulary by twinventing a new tword! Twilliant! (Replace the first syllable of a word with “Twi” or “Tw” to unlock this twadge.)

Seriously? Twadges? Tweople? Twitterati? Do us all a favour. Twuck off.

Don’t forget to follow Andrew on Twitter – and share your idea for twadges in the comments section below.

The Golden Rule of Blogging

Andrew — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 13:00:35 +0000

“Speak to your audience. Give your readers what they want. Keep it brief. Rule of three…”

Yeah. Enlightening. You’ve heard all of that before, haven’t you? Hundreds of times. The closely guarded secrets of the superstar bloggers. Secrets so secretive, that you read them thirty times a week on sixteen different blogs.

Well if you’re expecting this all-new GOLDEN RULE OF BLOGGING to be something along those lines, you’re going to be surprised. Because here’s something that’s 99% certain not to have been featured on Copyblogger.

“Stop Pissing About and Write“

See? I told you that wouldn’t have been on Copyblogger.

But it is the Golden Rule of Blogging. And now I’m going to tell you why.

You may have noticed that the amount of posts on Unmemorable Title has tailed off recently. It’s not because I’m suddenly less productive, or that I’m out of ideas. It’s because I’m very busy. Which means that all of my half baked ideas end up scribbled on the back of receipts or the back of my hand.

And then I never do anything about them until a day or two later. By which time I’ve forgotten half of the brilliant idea that made the post worth writing, and end up with a generic “remember, talk to your audience, kids!” post. Which really isn’t going to enrich your life. So I delete it and do something else.

Until an idea strikes! And I repeat the whole sorry process ad nauseum.

Strike While the Iron is Hot!

Don’t get caught in the same cycle of having to discard decent ideas. It’s all too easy for that fantastic notion that’s bubbling away in your brain to become stale, moth-eaten and barely worth the synaptic space.

If you don’t have time to write a full blog post, grab a notebook, or any piece of paper larger than a receipt, and scribble away. Titles, outlines, good sentences, ideas for subheadings. Get as much of it down as you can.

Then make a date. Put aside an hour or two of your time to write the thing up, and then half an hour to proofread. But make sure you set a deadline. If that idea’s not part of a post within 48 hours, you’ve missed your chance.

And then you end up pretending that a self-admonishing criticism of your inability to post regularly is a golden rule of blogging.

So what are you waiting for? Stop pissing about and write something!

Practise your writing – leave a comment below. And don’t forget to follow me on Twitter.

How Not to Get a Comment Approved

Andrew — Wed, 26 May 2010 17:54:03 +0000

I’m fine with people leaving comments here because they want a link, so long as they contribute to the conversation. However, if you’re just copy and pasting from a generic template, you’re not getting added.

If you copy and paste in your multiple choice template and forget to delete as applicable, you won’t get a link and I may take the mickey slightly.

“Love it, it’s {sites|posts|web sites|blogs| like this that makes the internet|net so awesome|good|great”

Cheers for that chief. Filling the Net with crap, one comment at a time.

Are Your Calls to Action Strong Enough to Stop Rampaging Leeds Fans?

Andrew — Wed, 12 May 2010 13:13:41 +0000

Image by Andrew Nattan

Picture the scene. From 1-0 down, and with ten men, Leeds United have snatched an unlikely victory from the jaws of defeat. And with it, promotion. A decade of unrelenting misery, two relegations, three play off defeats and an unprecedented points deduction wiped away with a deft flick of Jermaine Beckford’s outstretched boot.

The fans are ecstatic. The terraces are shaking, and the masses are bearing down on the ten men whose lung-bursting efforts have made this possible. A thin orange line of stewards is parted by sheer force of numbers, and the only thing between the thousands of revellers and the hallowed Elland Road turf is a video screen displaying a message.

“Please Keep Off The Pitch”

Is there any wonder that the grass is covered by a mass of leaping, singing fans, hoisting a half-naked Andy Hughes to shoulder height?

Are Your Calls to Action Strong Enough?

Picture another scene. Much more subdued. A prospective client has just clicked onto your website. They see a product in front of them. It looks like something they might need. Their eyes flick downwards to the description.

“This product is four cubits high, weighs one sixteenth of a ton, and is available in mauve and taupe. Buy now.”

Is there any wonder that the client’s decided against buying the product, and is currently browsing a competitor’s website?

The reason for both of these outcomes is simple. Neither the Elland Road ground staff or your website have offered any incentive for people to carry out your action.

A Call to Action Without a Benefit is Not Going to Work

Order was restored at Elland Road when the Leeds manager Simon Grayson took the mike.

“You deserve this! We’ve done it, and we all want to celebrate! But we want to celebrate with you. Clear the pitch, we’ll be back out and we can all celebrate together!”

The pitch cleared within minutes. By offering the fans what they wanted, a chance to celebrate with the players who made the pary possible, Simon Grayson offered a strong and tangible benefit to the encroaching masses. Even better, it’s a benefit directly linked to the reason people were on the pitch in the first place.

If you can do that with your calls to action, your customers will be much more likely to do what you want them to. And that’s going to sell your product.

If Leeds United don’t appeal to you, why not see what Andy thinks about Rafa Benitez? Or if you’re looking for copy advice without the football references, have a read of the copywriting secrets that conspiracy theorists don’t want you to know. And don’t forget to join the debate in the comments section below.

Are you Tweeting Yourself Out of a Dinner Party Invite?

Andrew — Mon, 03 May 2010 12:17:18 +0000

Image by Pasakuru76

People milling around, conversation flowing and anecdotes being swapped. Twitter sounds a lot like a dinner party. But like any social gathering, there’s a bunch of people hanging around who perhaps shouldn’t have been invited.

You think you’re a popular Tweeter – and your follower list is a testament to that assumption. But are you right? Or are you one of the people that dinner party guests clamber over each other to avoid?

The Seven Types of Twitter Guests

Chances are that you’re going to fit into at least one of these pigeonholes. Not all will ruin your chances of making everyone’s dinner party list, but they will limit the number of people who want to follow you.

The Ego

You’ll know if you’re following the Ego. They tweet often, and it’s generally about themselves. You’ll see dozens of tweets plugging blog posts, masses of personal opinion, and no retweets.

If you think your ego is getting the best of you, try retweeting a little more and broadcasting a little less. But don’t roll it back too much, or you run the risk of turning into our next guest.

The Wallflower

You probably won’t notice the Wallflower in your follow list. But if you stumble across their homepage, you’ll notice how sparse it is. They’ll be following a handful of people, and being followed by even less. The reason why is clear to see. They’ve tweeted twice. Once to announce that they’ve joined the site, and once at four in the morning a month later.

If that sounds a little like you, open up a little. Join the conversation. Start communicating, networking and chatting. Otherwise nobody will even notice that you’re there.

The Whip

#leadersdebate, #cashgordon, #nickcleggsfault – political debate is flavour of the month on Twitter. But some people take it a little too far. The Whip’s every tweet is barracking the opposition or hassling their followers into toeing the party line.

It’s fine if you’re talking about politics, but the whole point of a free election is that you don’t cajole, threaten and nag every person on your follower list into voting the same way you do. Relax a bit. Talk about something else for once!

The Heat Reader

What’s more boring than politics? Celebrities. Your average Heat Reader is probably the only on your list who can explain why Justin Bieber is trending, but they’ll be too busy tweeting at Steven Fry to explain why. You’ll only notice them if you follow the same personalities as they do, but what you do see might bring the words “obsessed” and “stalker” to mind.

If you think you might be displaying textbook Heat Reader behaviour, try reading a book. Or watching the news. Or talking to normal people.

The Gossip

On the face of it, the gossip seems to be a jovial sort, always quick to pass on the latest tidbits of information. But look a little deeper. When was the last time they posted something that didn’t start with the letters RT? The Gossip’s never managed to post 140 characters of their own views, as they’re limited to quick addenda,” – so true!”

If you’re turning into a Gossip, your only real alternative is to have your own opinions. Try starting a discussion for once, instead of indulging in a spot of “he said she said”.

The Jobsworth

Eugh. Nobody wants to hear from the Jobsworth. If they’re not talking about the work they’re doing, they’re retweeting from the official company account. And if they’re not doing that, it’s because they’re just too snowed under to tweet – but don’t worry! There’s a brand new product being rolled out that you just can’t live without. Please? They’re on commission…

If you’re a Jobsworth, you need a hobby. Tell people about your teapot collection, or your favourite gig. Just stop telling them how great your company is!

The Genial Guest

Ahh, the Genial Guest. She’s the Twitter user we all aspire to be. Balancing the positive aspects of the above, she’s switched on about the latest trends, will share her views on any subject, and isn’t shy with a quick RT. You might recieve the odd blog update, or genuinely interesting company news, but you won’t be snowed under.

In fact, she’s just the sort of person I’d like to invite to my next dinner party.

Can I say the same for you?

When Andy’s not being an egotistical jobsworth on Twitter, he’s boring the masses with his political views. But don’t worry, because he’s trying to find a healthy balance. Share your Twitter foibles in the comments section below.

You Really Shouldn’t Be Blogging

Andrew — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 20:52:15 +0000

Photo by Brainware 3000

Common wisdom across the Blogosphere is that you should be blogging. All the time. If you’re not creating reams of content regularly, then your readers are going to desert you, RSS subscribers will throw in the towel and the search engine spiders will retreat to less dusty corners of the web.

This is of course, rubbish. Because guess what? You really shouldn’t be blogging.

Why You Shouldn’t Be Blogging

Of course, I’m not suggesting that you shut down your blog, uninstall WordPress and sell your domain name. But blogging when you have good reason not to can do you more harm than good.

Content Isn’t King

Every single piece of SEO advice you’ve ever read has told you that content is king. Every single piece of SEO advice you’ve ever read has missed the point.

Not all content is created equal, and not all content has a claim to the throne. Good Quality Content is the key to your readers’ hearts, and what the search engines want to see. If you’re not providing that, then in all honesty, you probably shouldn’t bother.

There Is Such Thing As A Valid Excuse

You might not ever have admitted this to yourself. It might be a huge leap for you. But it’s OK. We’ll do it together. Deep breaths. Are you ready? On three. One…

Two…

Three. There will always be times when you just can’t face putting a post together, and that is not an issue.

See, that’s not so scary, is it? Whether you’re stressed out with paid work, have pressing family issues, or just want to curl up on the couch with a kitten and a glass of whisky, there are always things that’ll be more important than your blog. So do them. And once you’ve cleared your mind, you can approach your blog with fresh ideas. What you don’t want to do is try and power through…

Your Readers Deserve Better

… because your readers will notice. They’ll see that you’re not putting out work of your normal high standards. And then one of two things will happen.

If you’ve been using Twitter properly, then you’ll have a core of readers from your niche who’ll spot something’s not up and offer their advice and assistance. They might even send you a guest post or two to tide you over.

However, most of your readers – the ones who just read your efforts without getting involved – will decide that they’re bored. And if they’re bored, they won’t read.

And the search engines won’t be impressed either. Sure, so long as you’re not scraping and stealing, you won’t be hit with any penalties. But if you’re not producing good content, people won’t link to you. And that’s not doing your SEO any good.

So do yourself a favour. Know when you shouldn’t be blogging, and don’t blog. Take some time off, recharge your batteries, and come back strong. Just don’t draw attention to your hiatus with a post that’s a thinly veiled attempt to provide an excuse for your absence.

When Andy’s not making excuses for not updating UT in three weeks, he’s writing for The FirstFound Blog, procrastinating on Twitter or writing the odd guest post here and there. Share your best excuses in the comments thread.

Copywriting – A Steaming Pile of Carp

Andrew — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 07:59:44 +0000

This is the Average Copywriter

One of the first things they teach you at school is how to hold a pen. From there, it’s drawing letters and on to writing words. Eventually you learn to string together words into sentences and off you go.

In fact, the average schoolkid writes over 500 words a day. And how much are they paid for it? Nothing. In fact, at higher end schools, they pay for the privilage.

They pay to be allowed to write. Kids. If children aren’t thick enough to pay someone to write for them, why the hell are you?

So why should you let copywriting scam artists rip you off?

Answer – You SHOULDN’T

I mean, let’s look at the advice of so-called copywriting “experts”.

“Spelling and grammar is important” – Bollocks. Footballers speak a combibnation of the 3rd person and gibberish. And they earn a crapton of cash. As for speelings. You’ve got Microsoft Word – that knows English better than any so-called expert.
“You need calls to action” – Bollocks. You just tell everyone you’re sprockets is the best, and they buy it. You don’t need to spoonfeed them information. It’s so obvious that your the best that customers will search far and wide for your contact details.
“Not everyone can be a copywriter” – Bollocks. Remember being six and that teacher putting a gold star on your “What I did on my Holidays” piece? Means you’re a writer.

So remember people. Next time a charlatan wants to charge you lots of money to use a typewriter, tell them where to get off. Or use Copify. They’re dead reasonable.

Stephenie Meyer is a Genius

Can You Afford to Work For Free?

Andrew — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 13:31:12 +0000

It may surprise, shock and appall you to read this, but I don’t spend every waking hour writing. Some of it I spend reading, working the SEO beat and wrangling kittens, but a fair chunk of it is spent on computer games.

Football Manager 10 to be specific, and managing Dinamo Vrange to be precise. So as you can appreciate I’ve spent time in various forums. What I’ve seen in my favoured forum is a situation that should serve as a warning to anyone creating content.

They’ve shown me that if you ever want to make money, you can’t afford to work for free.

For years, the team at FM-B (including Copyblogger guest Jordan Cooper) have created an invaluable guide to the game. Tactical tips and tricks distilled from their own experiences and experimentations. Every year, the updated version of the guide is released to a rapturous reception. Except this year.

Why?

Because they’ve decided that their effort should be rewarded. So they’ve slapped a price tag on it. £7.50.

Not unreasonable, you might think? I mean, how much would most copywriters charge for seventy-odd pages of well written copy that fulfils a very real need and engages with an audience perfectly?

The problem is that they’ve been offering this for free for the past few years. And while the forum stalwarts and vocal admirers have forked up the cash, the people who never comment or say thanks are coming out of the woodwork to complain.

So what does that mean for copywriters and bloggers?

It means that if you’re an established blogger looking to make some cash from your content, you need to be prepared for all those returning visitors who never comment to suddenly become very vocal and very angry. Those thousand unique hits a month aren’t going to turn into a thousand sales. Your detractors will be the minority, but you should never expect all the people who will take your advice for free to be willing to pay for it.

And if you’re a copywriter just starting out – don’t fall in to the trap of doing work for free just to get established. Always charge a fair price for fair work. People automatically link cost with quality. Why would they pay you for the sort of content you churn out for free? Especially when that guy charges a fortune. That must mean he’s far better, right?

And if you’re just a Football Manager addict who’s stumbled upon this by accident, buy FM Britain’s latest eBook. Then tell them they owe me commission.

The Secret That’ll Get Your Clients to Read to the End

Andrew — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:59:13 +0000

The longer you rattle on about a product or service, the more chance you have of the client getting bored. Be brief and focussed – that way you can be sure the reader is going to carry on to the end.

Kick off with an intriguing headline. Then outline the issue your product or service addresses. Once you’ve created the problem and the need in the reader’s mind, offer your solution. Then add a call-to-action, and you’re done.

Is brief always best? Share your thoughts in the comments section.