Introducing The World’s Worst Copywriters

Photo by inuyaki

It’s said that copywriters have to do with the written word what good salespeople do verbally. Most of the time we work like car salespeople – someone will wander into our website or showroom, wondering if they should part with their hard-earned cash. We’ll then use our tricks, techniques and wiles to worm our way into their wallets. We get paid, they get a product, everyone wins.

But what about the copy equivalent of the door to door salesperson? Well, they can be just terrible.

Spam emails and forum comments are the online equivalent of knocking on somebody’s door and opening your suitcase full of wares. If you don’t have your patter just right, it’s an alsatian to the crotch before you can even get to the end of your first sentence.

That being the case, why do we never see fantastically funny, well-written spam? Surely investing a bit of time into an amusing, gramatically correct piece of copy singing the praises of your “penis engorgement assistant” makes more sense than posting one of the following comments:

“You make big c**k by with use [PRODUCT NAME]!!”
“[LINK] buy now [LINK] make purchase [LINK] equity [LINK] cheesecake”
“Вы будете иметь исполинского цыпленка мальчика если вы едите этого волшебного тонического камрада”

Spammers of the world, stop a moment. Take some classes, read some blogs, buy a dictionary. You never know – some of your attempts might even beat my filter.

If anyone can come up with a convincing, well written “spam comment” below, I’ll be impressed. Double points for anyone selling anatomy enlargement apparatus.