Oh hi Google Instant!
It’s been a little over 24 hours, and Google Instant fear has swept the globe like a biblical plague. Far from just showing you results without you needing to hit search, this diabolical system has a 100% fatality rate for pretty much anything you care to mention.
Are you at risk from this destroyer of worlds? Read on to find out…
The Return Key
Think about it. Now that Google starts showing you results before you hit that return key, it’s pretty much obsolete. The poor, redundant key will wither and die, leaving a blank space between the backspace and shift keys.
I’m Feeling Lucky
Google’s little quirk is now a thing of the past. “I’m Feeling Lucky” was so important to Google, that the first Tweet from their official account was “I’m feeling lucky” in binary. Now that Google Instant is here, Luck is gone. Doomed. Don’t buy any lottery tickets.
The “French Military Victories” and “Chuck Norris” jokes
No Lucky button means no lame jokes. Dozens of Google Easter Egg posts rendered completely obsolete. Death surely follows in Google Instant’s wake.
Looking up swear words (tee hee)
Since Samuel Johnson finished his life’s work, anyone in possession of anything allowing them to look up dirty words will look up dirty words. Alas, Google Instant has killed off this practise with its heavy handed safe search censor. Try it. Type Arse. You’ll see more football fixtures than pert bottoms. Gee, thanks Google Instant.
English Spellings
Search Engine Optimi… You just know that Instant’s going to put a Z in for you. Centuries of linguistic diversity destroyed with a careless sweep of a Google bureaucrat’s pen. Next thing you know, Google Instant will come to your house on a Sunday, kick your Yorkshire Puddings out of the window and cover your table in Grits. Did we lose a war?
Paranoid Bloggers
We can but wish, eh? Alas, this particular breed seems immune to Google Instant, and will spend the forseeable future hurling posts into the ether claiming that Google Instant has killed SEO! And AdWords! And stolen my bike!
For a serious post on Google Instant, take a look at Andy’s post on the FirstFound Blog.
7 comments
eran says:
Sep 9, 2010
Psst… Google lets you turn of insta-death. Is it because of the wrath of the web or because they knew its a fail?
Great post by the way.
.-= eran´s last blog ..Jury Duty and WTF Technology =-.
Andrew says:
Sep 10, 2010
It must be a fail. I showed Instant to my partner last night. Her response?
“I don’t like it. It’s stupid. I don’t think it’s showing me the right things. Turn it off, it’s pointless.”
Yahoo! tried the same thing in ’05 – as you can see, it revolutionised the web.
Tweets that mention Google Instant is the Death of… - Unmemorable Title -- Topsy.com says:
Sep 9, 2010
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seobro says:
Sep 10, 2010
Hey, maybe I can threaten to burn my disk of win 7 in protest if they dont drop SUGGEST in an INSTANT! Just kidding, not sure if Google would understand that win 7 is actually from the devil. Type in 6 and automatically it goes 666.
Craig says:
Sep 13, 2010
I’m going to start optimising for each letter of the alphabet rather than actual words. Black Hat SEO?? You better believe it!
Craig Sassenburg says:
Sep 22, 2010
To be honest, I can’t say Google Instant has made a difference to me. I still type out my full search term and hit enter out of habit. I don’t think that is going to change.
.-= Craig Sassenburg´s last blog ..Welcome =-.
Winston says:
Sep 27, 2010
If you think about it, the Return key probably isn’t the only one that will suffer. Think of all those other keys that won’t be typed in that often. And then there is going to be a heap of keys overused. These are drastic changes that will effect keyboard usage.
Who is going to type “acebook” if you can type “f” and voila!?
.-= Winston´s last blog ..What is ASD-STE100 Simplified Technical English =-.