For weeks now, I’ve been branching out from the blogs I usually read to a far less interesting corner of the Internet. The industry of blogging about blogging.
Basically, it works like this. Someone wants to make money blogging. So they write a blog about how they think they can make money blogging. The next person latches on, swallows down the original idea and deposits a version onto their blog, drained of even more charm, originality and quality. The chain then continues, like a bag of cheap crisps poured into that ridiculous human centipede from the equally ridiculous film. At some point, money’s supposed to come out. Like in this diagram:
Anyway, I’m sick of it. Each one of these posts raises the same tired points – points that weren’t particularly revalatory when they were first put forward.
I’ve wasted far too much time on these third-hand posts, so read on for a quick and easy guide to help you spot and avoid the centipede.
Spotting The Blogging About Blogging Centipede
Luckily, the abomination is easy to spot. The hind parts of our centipede are dragged around by the front section, and copy everything the section in front does. You’ll see one generic post that’s passed through dozens of blogs and bloggers, and it’ll look a little like this:
I’ve Read Copyblogger. Headlines Are Somehow Important!
Headlines are important for all sorts of reasons! This paragraph is composed entirely of my take on another blogger condensing Copyblogger’s great posts on headlines! That’s third hand knowledge! Anyway, for some reason, headlines are important! So do good ones!
What? You want me to explain how? Erm…
Don’t Forget to Proofread! (or, Sod It! Run Your Spellcheck!)
When your spinning articles from another parsons blog it is always very impotent to run your spellcheck. Don’t read what you’ve written though. Just take it on trust that your spell check has corrected all your spelling mistakes.
What? Spell checkers don’t check context, and I’ve written perfectly spelt nonsense? Erm…
Comments Is Crucial!
How can you make the moneys without the comments? Comments means that people have read your website and have engaged with you. Engagement is very important. There can’t be any moneys without engagement, so the more comments you have, the more moneys you will make.
What? I’ve not explained how comments turn into moneys? Erm…
Content is a Means to an End!
You need good content. Good content means more comments. Good content means more diggs and stumbles. Good content means lots of things and you should never forget the things that good content means!
What? I’ve not covered how to write good content, or noticed the irony in this paragraph? Erm…
Automatic Tweeting! Automated Social Bookmarking! Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation! Don’t do anything to promote your blog that can’t be done by a computer! Only by paying for automatic software can you make money!
What? Networking is a key part of social networking? Erm…
Something Something SEO Something
Something something SEO something something traffic. Something something keywords something something meta. Something something Matt Cutts something something loadsamoney!
What? I’ve not actually explained how to carry out any SEO at all? Erm…
So, what can we do about the centipede?
If you spot any of the above paragraphs, tread carefully. You’re in the lair of the blogging about blogging centipede. Avoid it like the plague. The real question though, is what to do about the monster itself.
I’m leaving that up to you, dear reader. What’s the best way to combat this foul and unholy menace? Passive-aggressive comments? Ignoring the centipede until it goes away? Finding where these bloggers live and going round with a book on copywriting or a cricket bat?
Share your ideas in the comments section, and please, give this post a bit of a nudge on Twitter, Delicious or your social network of choice. It’ll make a change from people hooking onto the end of the ever lengthening blogging about blogging centipede.