Sorry Google. We can't go on like this...

Dear Google,

It’s me, Andrew. I know that we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, especially when it comes to your muppet fixation and your inexplicable need to give me yet more buttons to click, but I really need to tell you something.

I’m not writing this as an SEO, or as a copywriter, but as a Google user. So there’s no malice here (unless you’re still upset with me using your name as a verb), just something I need to get off my chest.

For fuck’s sake Google. Can you just stop this?

We used to get along fine. I’d ask you a question, and you’d give me what you thought were the ten best possible answers. It was a wonderful time. I trusted you. Damn it Google, I loved you.

And then you started to add things to your SERPs. I didn’t mind the ads; you’ve got to make a living somehow. I didn’t really mind the maps (even if you do think I’m in Fife half the time). I quite liked being able to specify blog searches.

But then you stopped telling me what you thought was best. You started telling me what I wanted to hear. I typed “S”, and before I could even get to the second letter, you were giving me Sky Sports listings. Well Google, I appreciate the effort, but I don’t even watch Sky Sports. You just showed that you don’t understand me at all.

So like a hapless girlfriend panicking on Christmas Eve, you went to my friends for advice. And instead of just trusting your instincts and giving me answers you believed in, you started giving me answers just because my friends had clicked on them.

It was pitiful. Heart-wrenching. Pathetic. But I stuck by you. Because, deep down, I still loved you.

But now, now you’ve decided that rather than giving me fresh, new answers from your algorithm, you’re recycling old content that my friends posted on Google+. Hell, you’re even throwing my own words back in my face! And you’ve not even got the good grace to deny it!

“You should also be able to find your own stuff on the web, the people you know and things they’ve shared with you, as well as the people you don’t know but might want to… all from one search box.”

From the Google Blog

Google. Unless you can believe in yourself again and go back to giving me results you’ve decided are important, it’s over between us. Stop relying on my useless friends (and the strangers in my Google+ Circles) for information and at least give me the option to have it like it used to be.

Just you and me, Google. My questions, your results.

You can make it happen.


Because I don’t want to have to start seeing Bing.

Yours Sincerely,

Andrew Nattan


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